Layla Grace's legacy...

As my own beauties are sleeping soundly in their beds I can't help but think about what Layla Grace's sisters are doing and if they are sleeping well tonight, if her mom and dad are sleeping soundly in their beds... or are they up like they have been night after night for the past two years. If you don't know about Layla Grace or the story of this precious family who lost their child a few days ago visit this site and read their amazing story.

Jen and I attended the funeral this weekend, it was one of the most humbling experience of my life and God has done things in my heart from this brief encounter that I never thought possible. I will forever look at my life differently, look at my children differently, and look at each day given differently. It's not that I have never experienced loss, because I have, or that I have never known anyone else to loose a loved one-especially a child, because I have known that too... but to see a family SO entrusted to the Lords will, SO giving of their story to heal and encourage others in the midst of their pain, SO strong in their testimony that "what we have is not our own, we rejoice in our suffering that it might glorify the Father" to SEE a family live that out... I have never seen that in action like I have through the Marsh family.

We can say we trust God, we can even go through some seaming tough moments and come out giving Him credit...but to the degree that they have Lost and remained faithful, it's only reminiscent of Job to me. He lost his whole family, all his children his friends, his wife, his health... and he STILL said "Lord you are the one and only true God, I will follow you..."
As a mother of my own darling two year old, I can say all day that I would be okay if I had to bury her that knowing she was in heaven would give me all the comfort I need and that I understand when the scriptures say "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. " James 1:17 the trust of that gives me peace... but staying on the safe side of the waters edge and doing in the midst of a storm are two totally different things.

When I said it was a life changing moment for me let me explain.... Layla's dad talked about an analogy of life and humanity being the shore of a beach covered as far as the eye can see of ppl along the waters edge. Everyone is given tools; shovels....buckets...rakes...different tools, some will try and dig the biggest mound of sand with their tools to show off until someone else builds one bigger or the water inevitably washes it away, others will take the time to craft a beautiful work of art for the onlookers to enjoy, some will offer their tools to those around them working diligently, some will lie on the beach tools tossed and soak up the sun... enjoy a good book, live in the moment of the day.... he said that in the midst of all that all he can see is the sight of what he believes Layla would be doing: running down the beach little legs pitter pattering the sand and splashing at the rolling tide laughing and smiling and touching as many ppl she passes as she can, helping ppl along the way, enjoying her day in the sun and soaking up the moment to celebrate the time God gave her where she is. He challenged me to think about what kind of person I have been...how have I been spending my days in the sun? How do I want to be remembered by the ppl scattered where the water meets the sand...

Some days what I do or don't do feels really small and insignificant in light of the big picture and especially in light of what I think others might be doing with their days. As we know it's not God's desire that we compare ourselves to anyone but Himself...but I am seeing SO clearly now that God delights in me, in my job that HE gave me, and I only have today. I don't want to have to go through my own heartbreaking moment to get that lesson. I want to learn it now, through the lives God has let touch me and live differently. The next time someone asks that all too popular and loaded question "why does God let bad things happen to good people?" I believe it's because He hopes they will respond like the Marsh family: honor Him, trust His will, and share their lives that others my find hope themselves....
There are children all over the world who are making their journey to the throne of God, but for some reason THIS little girl is the one God used to touch lives and change hearts and I know she's being honored by the Lord and His angels for it.



God still asks me this question... are you willing to entrust them to me? (like I have entrusted them to you?)

Planned

Planned on loading all my pics from February and editing all the ones that I love best
Planned on taking "Month Day' pics of Sadie on her ACTUAL month day & having a mini photo shoot
Planned on working out for and hour three times this week
Planned on cooking some new meals and having a little fun in the kitchen with Kehnley
Planned on serving some sweet friends who need
Planned on play dates probably 4 different times
Planned on going to the park across town to let Kiki play
Planned on keeping my milk supply going strong so I'd have plenty reserved
Planned on spending some much needed quality time with my husband

But when your whole family including your newborn gets a virus that has them throwing up every meal, and diarrhea for a week, when you are the mom and you get food poisoning and then get what they have which feels like you've been hit by a bus, I guess that's why they call it a stomach FLU, there is nothing that you can really think about except pray and pray that your little ones will be able to keep food down because you see the red rings around their eyes and you look at their sad faces and know they feel as terrible as you but can't say they do. Nothing else really matters: not even the 15th load of laundry you've done to try and sterilize from the sickness everyone has, or the fact that you've not slept but 2 hrs at nap time (praise the Lord) because you've been feeding your new baby every hour to keep her from throwing up. The ache in your back from working out too hard too early and feeling your spine numb from where the epidural was given you 4 weeks ago because you've been lifting more than you should doesn't matter either...you may not have eaten at all today yet because you were too busy trying to make sure your children were taken care of and your hands were clean and all that to say this is STILL nothing compared to the hardships that so many other people are facing and the trials that people we know are having to deal with. a wise friend reminded me that hopefully all this will be over in a week and things will seem somewhat normal again... I think of those that aren't as lucky to say that. their trials won't be over in a week, or even months and I am convicted for even thinking about all the silly things we want to do in a day and all the worries we have that are pretty small in comparison.

God today be with those families that are in a trial and are struggling to just get through the next 24 hrs. You have given me a small glimpse into what that kind of existence would look like... trying to get through the next 24 hrs, or the next meal time. Provide for their needs, provide for our needs, but most of all be glorified in all the earth.

I should be sleeping

I should be sleeping right now... but I know Sadie will need to eat in 20 minutes or less so I wanted to update the blog on our current life status. Sadie is 2 weeks old and she and Kehnley are getting along great now, at first I was worried how it all would work out, but it's been better than I could have ever imagined. God has certainly shown His faithfulness and favor to our family once again. Kehnley is away today at her and Fancy's 'day of fun" and its given me and Sadie a chance each week to spend time together. She just goes for a little while and I can get some rest and clean house a bit, today was look through cookbooks and update the recipe box and read magazines day :) it's been a stack of mags growing since November and I was dieing to get to look at them all, of course the stack is barely touched, InStyle is backing up for 6 months now... maybe that's why I feel so OUT of style! (that and the lack of ability to fit into all my tops but it's the price we pay for nursing right?! ) Anyway, we have been having a lot of fun trying to workout bath and bed time and it's definitely been a nice refresher course on the late nights and early mornings, thanks to Kehnley it's at 7 15 that I am waking up even after putting down a newborn at 6:30... all in all, it's a sacrifice worth it and I can't imagine a better test to my courage and trust in the Lord, my strength in very tired moments, and my patience with putting myself even further down on the priority list (making a meal for myself mid day takes VERY strategic planning and timed preparation!) i wouldn't be able to even think straight right now if my mom hadn't been helping so much, Bry hadn't gotten a week off of work the first week, and I hadn't taken time for small group each week and walks when the weather is nice. Sometimes I forget just how useful everyone God has put in our lives really are. The body of friends and family who have been feeding us for the past few weeks is a reminder of that as well. i am anxious to cook again but definitely enjoying the break!

As for our new little girl... she is so sweet and Kehnley calls her sweetheart, it makes me smile to hear her say the words, and she is a big sleeper, grunter... bless her heart i think she has hard core reflux. I am cutting out all peanut butter, chocolate, spicy foods...and anything else that sends my radar off to what might be causing her grunts and gags. Today whilst writing an email she projectile vomit/spit up everywhere!! i hadn't ever seen that before, a little alarmed, but she was fine after that, hope it doesn't happen again. I mean I know its gross but it was pouring out of her mouth and nose even, it scared me a little, but my mom reassured me it was normal to happen at least once!

Her personality is really laid back, but she does let out a really loud cry for just a second when she wants total quiet and dark to sleep. i think she is so laid back that she wants a very chill environment for rest... too bad Kehnley is in her "i cannot control the volume of my voice stage" she tries so hard, but I know it's almost impossible to be that quiet all the time, she's an adventurous two 1/2 year old and she needs her space to run and jump (something she is just learning and loves to do all the time) and sing songs and dance and talk in a loud voice apparently lol. When people come over she goes in to hypermode and is bouncing off the walls, the second they leave...she's calmed down again. Someone more advanced in their child rearing years will have to explain that one to me! :)
All in all, having a newborn to hold again has been very eye opening to how fast it goes. i cried thinking of how big Kehnley was compared to Sadie and how it seamed to flash in front of me from those first times to hold her, rock her, to a girl who is so smart and full of energy now! it makes me cherish each day even more.

Sadie Grace, you came into this world on your own time for sure, mommy labored at home for 24 hrs because you were just taking your sweet time and then when you were ready everything happened so quick and easy, reminding me God is in control! Good for you too, getting daddy used to waiting on ANOTHER girl :) You have blue eyes like him and lips like me, but your hands are long like your sisters. You look just like she did and when you curl up next to me reminding me of what an amazing gift it is to be someones mother. I forget sometimes what a gift that is, thank you for the reminder. I don't mind waking to feed you and loosing sleep or missing a meal or wearing your spit up on my shoulder for a little while if it means that I get to be close to you. I know these years won't last for ever and you will be telling me to sit on the bench at the park and let you play by yourself like SOMEONE ELSE I know with beautiful blue eyes... :) You are a sweetheart and we are overjoyed to have you for a little while. God has given us a great gift in you and your sister, we know He must love us so much because He gives us good things like you to teach us and change us. I love you, and I hear you calling. :) gotta run!!

I know she will look so different in just two weeks time at her shower, here she is now at one week old...

Sadie Grace, our saving grace...

She is so incredible, looks so much like her sister, but then again...is so all her own. I can't wait to tell the story of how she changed our lives forever. God's word to us through her this weekend was this:


"How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you." Psalm 31:19

Room for one more!

Sadie's room has been a family project and a labor of love... I hope our baby girl knows how much we love her and getting ready for her to come has been a joy and worth every late night and long hour!

Bath time at the sink

I am just amazed at how much you can love a person. She's soon to be a big sister, she is stunning and everything she does, even then she throws a fit... she's irresistable.

Kehnley's top Favorite things... the "best ever" as she calls them...

best ever movie- Tinker Bell

best ever friend- Mommy and sometimes daddy when she's not see him much like this week because he's been working so hard!

best ever pressent - the Carebear Sharebear workout talking bear Lyndz just gave her and her caboodle full of lipsticks

best ever time - morning time when the "suns gets up"

best ever play- stopping at the play ground on our walks and me watching from she side until she needs to slide down the pole (no really im not allowed on the wood chips unless needed for this important task)

best ever food - hotdogs and mac-e-cheeseeee with ketch up of course. Daddy just introduced corndogs and it's a whole new world of mistery meat shapped like a finger

best ever drink - spicy drink AKA 3 parts water + 1 part juice + 1 part sprite zero.... thanks Jen for introducing sprite zero lol, but it's only on REALLY special occasions. other wise best ever drink - milk

best ever church - when we pull into the parking lot she gets so excited and screams "this CHURCH!" she loves to "play with friends" at church and "help God"

best ever bed - her new bed is a fav. place for napping, jumping, spinning and falling, sleeping at night, reading stories, and tucking in Pinky ( she named Excersizing Sharebear)

best ever dog - Lilly, she hugs and gives kisses.. and them chases and kicks sometimes too... it's a love/hate relationship

best ever dance - when we turn on music or have family night and dance around the house and stand on the "stage" which is where ever she is standing or on the couch(she's recently added the robot to her mad dance skills)

best ever show - newest favortites are Charlie and Lola, and Imagination Movers

best ever shirt - the Hello Kitty shirt her Fancy recently bought her, she would wear it everyday if she could

best ever moment - when she gives me a big hug and calls me her "Beeest friend"

Trust in the Lord

We are getting ready for Sadie Grace to join our lives. I've been up til 2 and 3 every night working on the nesting instinct and all the projects to get us ready here at home... I am haunted at night with thoughts of "how will this work, will Kehnley respond to her well, will she sleep okay, will I be able to keep my energy up for a new born and a busy girl, does Kehnley watch too much tv--do we play enough games and do enough projects together, will I ever get the baby's room ready, what changes am I going to have to make to get places on time with two babies, when am I going to workout, how long will bath and bedtime take now with a new born and a 2 1/2 yr old, how will nap time work with their schedules, will I loose my mind changing two diapers all day, hows it going to be with Bry's work schedule and going to the lease once a month, should I be reading up on something or organizing something while I have a couple weeks, can we afford two babies on one income, what can we change and give up TO afford to live on one income, what am I going to do to make special time with me and Kehnley still to keep her from feeling neglected, how are me and Bry going to keep time for just the two of us in this season of life..." and many more, but those are the most pressing and reoccurring thoughts I have lately. Luckily I am not alone in this quickly coming change, I am comforted by God's word and need to record it to remember in these times of doubt or worry, I have a great God who sees beginning to end and who cares for me...
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"This is what the LORD says-- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." Isaiah 48:17"

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

"LORD, you have brought light to my life; my God, you light up my darkness." Psalm 18:28
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

"I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:2

"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him," Nahum 1:7