I have been out of the blogging world for a little while, busy with mom-hood and sister-hood and wife-hood and friend-hood...ive been in the hood! Anyway, its been a lot of life lessons that have uncovered my heart in the past few-ok more than few, months. Lots of challenges and changes...as I type this post, I hear the sounds of the girls playing probably way to rough with daddy in the next room, and the sweet coo's of baby Lainey in the bassinet next to me. Over the past few months mixed in with our everyday life of family friends, trips, birthdays, invitations, showers, events, play, learning, campouts, princess tea parties... we have been waiting on baby Lainey to join our Bunch and it seemed like just adding a number for a little while (never in my heart of course) but with such a busy year for so many ppl around us she became the after thought a lot of times.
Durring this pregnancy I have heard and been heart broken by news of friends and people close to those who have had tough pregnancies, lost babies, infants with illness, fetal distress, miscarriage, birth defects... more than I can even say. At times it's caused fear for my own child, humility for the favor that we've have been spared those hurts, dependence on God for things out of our control, and revelation to my weakness and God's strength.
We anxiously have been awaiting Lainey's arrival, not sure why pregnancy seemed longer this time and why I had labored every day or night for a month with little to no progress, her due date came and went, her "second" due date came and went and the day came to induce. Bry and I felt called to fast for her and our family and God's timing the Sunday before she was born. That night I was sure she would come. She didnt, but what DID come was a peace that if I prayed something that didnt happen, it was for good reason. I could live with that! I no longer doubted or worried about things out of my reach, Im not saying I didnt grow weary of waiting, but I did learn that if I let myself, it can be a time that me and God walk so closely in step the journey doesnt seem as long.
Wednesday morning we left bright and early for the hospital (something in me was unsure of induction, i was more nervous than when i progressed on my own and something else was telling me a terribly lie...that I was not giving my baby time to come on her own and what if something went wrong in coming today, even though I heard a faint whisper saying in my spirit...trust me, this is right)
We got to the hospital-paperwork.iv.more paperwork.God answered our prayers with amazing nurses. Jennifer and Ashlynn.the got the meds going to push the contractions but it wasn't anything as strong as the night before. they hooked up the monitors and told me (something i thought strange but disregarded) that they would be watching her closely and not to be alarmed if they rushed in and repositioned me.after we all made our guestimations on her weight size and time of birth (Bryson picked 10:30 he was ruled out quickly lol) we played the waiting game. the came and checked me a few times. kept repositioning me and would be pretty strict about keeping me there. even made me and Bry have to stop our game of dominoes to keep me laying down. ice chips=heaven.checked again.jen had to step out bc she was preggers herself. i think she got sick. new nurse checked me and i was 8.time to push.a big team of ppl came in. still didn't think anything of it. pushed 3 times.Lainey was born....1:00 7.7lb 19 1/2 in
I saw the cord around her neck.her body was limp.she was purple. We had decided to let my mom be in the room to get to experience it all since she had never done that before... the look on her face as the suctioned Lainey made me worried but i tried to keep it together. Although it was a tough thing to see I am glad she was there. They had to cut the cord instead of Bry to get it off quickly, my Dr. was totally calm they were all moving fast but quietly as they took her to the warmer and suctioned her and trying to get her tempt to rise and lungs and everything cleared out.
i try not to think about the those few scary moments but instead the moment I held her for the first time and those beautiful eyes looked straight at me. I have been waiting for you my Darling, praying and anticipating, fighting doubt and fear of all that I couldn't control, impatient at times...yes, but so ready for this time that we would meet face to face.
I am ashamed to say that in the weeks prior I had been doubtful and anxious and angry even that I was not progressing and STILL pregnant (as everyone reminded week to week) but I felt God was trying to show me something, teach me something in the midst of my childish tantrums asking for the same thing over and over when clearing the answer was no! Every time i opened my bible, a study, or my phone the verses that popped up were "Wait for the Lord" "Wait patiently for the Lord" "Blessed are those who wait for the Lord"
God could see her little body and knew that the cord was constricting and keeping her from dropping. I couldn't. God knew her little heart was pumping like crazy all those times I had worked out, luckily i had taken a bit of a break after a fluke scare that sent me to the Dr. the month before her birth. God knew the perfect timing for our girls, for us to talk about Lainey and prepare them and get their hearts right, they have accepted her with such love....I know it could only be from the Father. God certainly worked wonders in our hearts and in the life of this baby girl.
Exodus 15:11 "Who among the gods is like you, Lord? Who is majestic in holiness- awesome in glory, working wonders?
Lainey your name means : a torch, bright light...you have certainly lit places in my life that I have never known were hidden in the dark, and have changed me forever just by your existence. I know you are just getting started. How blessed I am as your mother to see God using you already to impact lives.
Update: I wrote this above passage the week she was born, since then we have had a hard few weeks with a colic baby. Who can blame her, she entered the world pretty traumatically and has a lot to take in each day in our busy and joyfully LOUD home ;) ...but from 3-7 every night she has been in pain and cant settle and uncomfortable. Some days she is in pain all day crying out and there is nothing that we do that is helping relieve that.
Two days ago we prayed, our family prayed, friends prayed, distant relatives and acquaintances prayed...today she is sleeping soundly, no longer in pain, and finally we as a family are able to enjoy her as she enjoys her new home. It could always come back..but for two nights and two days God has let me see that it WILL get better, I CAN ask Him anything, I have been too prideful to let others help me, and there are SO many who are willing. I am humbled that there are so many ppl who truly care for us, and I see Gods hand in them being in our lives...i hope that I can give back just a fraction of the Love we have felt through so many in our lives. Even just an encouraging word has helped my very fragile state of emotions in this time. God you are so good. And thank you all of those who have been petitioning for us and lifting us up!
Exodus 15:13 "in your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. in your strength you will guide them..."