Longing to be loved....God's beloved

I used to write these emails every day or every other day called "Thoughts of the Day" it was a few years back, when I was in college, with an abundance of time resting on these artists' hands. Once life got hectic and I got consumed with all the other things on my to do list. I let that part of my witness leave me. I would hear a word from God, and He would then tell me, now this is what I want you to share. Part of me wonders what made me stop... had God ceased all passion in me for sharing His word with the people closest to me? Or had I become so consumed with the "American Dream" (you know... marriage, house, babies, friends, work, calendars) that I let my spiritual life become all to increasingly private?

Currently it's 1:12 am and I know that at any moment my daughter could very well call to me in the dead of night with a whimpering cry and break this still moment I am hearing the Lord speak and challenge me and call me out for the fake I have been... but I will press on.

I wrote a response to a blog from a girl I know named Ashley. She wrote about an experience close to what we experienced at our church on Easter Sunday. During the song Remedy by DCB members of our church held up signs to the congregation that named their deepest struggles, sins, convictions, and life circumstances...(talk about being real) and on the reverse side of those cards were beautiful words of how God had done what He's so good at doing, restored and healed their scars.
It reminds me of God's word:
"You tuned my wailing into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy." Psalm 30:11

She asked at the end of her blog, what would be your cardboard testimony? I thought and thought and as I tried to think of something clever to say, something less transparent, less labeling, and more safe... I felt God calling me to step out.

As we know God and grow in Christ-likeness, it's a reality that we will have many labels to demolish and many strongholds to break, and Praise God many new beginnings. It's a beautiful thing to know that the dance is ours to be had... but it's also greeted with great fear because revelation must be had deep within our hearts. And that means it can get messy. It's not pretty to look over a life of mistakes and perverse motivation to see what a wicked person lies beneath it all...and lets face it, even the best of us are wicked. At one time I thought that word didn't apply me, and God asked me some questions...
Ever been jealous? Ever wanted someone to get what they deserve? Ever not had love for someone different than you? Ever thought unkind things about someone around you? Family member? Friend? Person driving down the road? Ever spoken unkindly to someone, whether they were unkind to you or not? Ever had a doubt about God's reality or character? Ever had a hard time forgiving? Ever been selfish with your time or money? Man!!!!

Wow, mercy is so good isn't it!? The more I know God, the more I KNOW His mercy is real and relevant to our lives!

So she asked what would be your cardboard testimony... hard question for some. For others it's so easy, I am convinced it's because they know the fullness of God's forgiveness.
I fought and fought for my answer like I mentioned earlier, and at the root of all my poor choices and all my searching and all my struggles, I found one desire to be true. The one desire that would define who I was, and what drove the choices I made BR (before redemption).
I shared with Ashley the cardboard testimony that God had given me... and I hope it's okay for me to share that with all of you and also ask:

What would your cardboard say?

"Put your hope in the Lord, for with Him there is unfailing love, and with Him is full redemption."
Psalm 103:7


Jana said...

My cardboard testimony would have been your churches entire display for Easter. But I believe grace, mercy and restoration covers them all with out a doubt and for that I am grateful.

I'd have to say that our cardboard testimony changes weekly. The one that matches with my most recent post would be Anger to the Fruits of the Spirit.

Jeremy & Jeanae said...

Oh my goodness! I did not realize BCBC did that! Since being in Australia, one of our favorite YouTube Video's to share with people is the cardboard testimony song (done by some church... i forget). In fact, in our new blog layout, we are having a link to it (new blog layout...coming soon :-) Ha Ha. Anyway, that is so cool!
I loved reading what you had to say and hearing your heart. Miss you and your evident passion for the Lord and I am so looking forward to catching soon!
I know you are moving soon... we are praying for you girl!
Love ya!