8.12.2008

The last night

Tomorrow is the summers official end and I will be starting the full time again, it's been over a year since I have been at work all day and away from my little darling for the first time. I am so anxious, but not in a good way. I keep repeating God's word in my heart and head to "rejoice at all times, be gentle to all, and do not be anxious about anything" Phil. 4:4-6 I am trying so hard to trust the Lord with my job, my time away from my family and balancing all the new things this year. I don't know how I will handle it all...the last time I taught full time I was miserable and dreaded every morning and it was just survival. Last year I started at a new school and loved it, but being away from Kehnley is more unbearable than I had expected. Now I will not only be gone half the day, but all day! Today I was rocking her to sleep and I started to cry because it's finally hit me.

I am sure if what I would say to someone in my place, but I feel very alone in my concerns with work, I have no one I can trust to talk to about my struggle there, and to top it off with the move and the responsibilities of a mom and wife and college bible study leader I can't help but feel overwhelmed.

I'm not going to lie, I am jelous of those that have their dream jobs... I wish that I loved doing lesson plans, going to meetings, and staying up at the school all hours of the day and night... and as an art teacher lessons are so intricate that it's not just pen and paper, it's so much more that goes into planning sometime it takes me all week to plan just one, I wish I loved it but I don't...

I can't think of one thing to rejoice about in this situation, except that I know it won't last forever and God is still God and He's always with me.

4 comments:

Ingram Gang said...

I understand where you are coming from. I had all of the same feelings and anxieties when I went back to school the fall after Noah was born. But you know, after I started back to work, things were great. The Lord really did cover me with his mercy! I was able to fully enjoy my days and my job and Noah thrived in his environment. Not gonna lie, by 4:00 I was running for the doors because I was so excited to get home to my family, but I can honestly say I fully enjoyed my job as well.
I'll be praying for that. Just know, I understand where you are coming from and it's all very normal and expected. You can be a great wife, mommy AND art teacher!

Leah Dooley said...

I can't imagine what it'd be like to leave your baby at home. I just went on maternity leave and won't be returning after she comes. But if God has called you to that He will give you peace. You'll do great. Praying for you!

Jennifer-Colley said...

hey! I definitely know that feeling of being overwhelmed. I am feeling all the anxieties of becoming a mommy, starting a new school year with a new class, it not just being me and Coby anymore, and the list could go on. I have been trying so hard to give God control of my life instead of trying to be God thinking I know whats best. I will be praying for you from one overwhelmed girl to another! I love you!thanks for the encouragement the other day! I need to get your email so we can email back and forth. I will see if I have it!

The Blowey Bunch said...

my email at work is kerirblowey@katyisd.org, or home is ksparksart@yahoo.com
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement, i have been too busy to post but God has done some great things since my last blog!